Flunking out of college might be easy for some students, but for others the process proves difficult. To flunk out swiftly and efficiently requires skills many students do not have, including an insane ability to drink and do drugs. Receiving failing grades demands a conscientious effort to undo years of good habits. Students, especially those who enjoy learning, need to follow a few simple guidelines if they hope to fail.
             First, you must take absolutely no interest in your classes to the point where falling asleep becomes easy and effortless even when the professor is watching. To snooze in class, with or without sound effects like snoring, is surprisingly taboo. The professor will feel gravely insulted and your fellow students will be more than annoyed by the grating sound of your sleep apnea acting up in class. When you start getting the hang of falling asleep in your seat, though, you will be one step closer to fulfilling your goal. One way of ensuring that you sleep soundly in the classroom is to stay up all night, preferably while drinking or doing drugs. That way, sleeping will require almost no effort at all and you can dream about all the fun you had the night before. If you happened to not have any fun the night before, you can at least dream about the next party.
             Partying is in fact the second step toward flunking out fast. Learn how to party and party hard. Your friends will love you for it, and you can help them flunk out of college too. If you are not yet a seasoned party fiend then you might need some practice. Building up your tolerance for drugs and alcohol is hard work but your efforts will pay off soon when you get called into the Dean's office. Try to throw keg parties in your dorm room if possible. You might find that the Dean's office calls you even before your grades start to flounder. If you get calls from the police as well as campus security, you may be flunking out faster than you think. Try to make as ...